做人难,做名人难,做名女人更难。
对关外双侠贤伉俪中白云女侠这句话,我深有体会,毕竟我四岁时就已名动江湖,此后多年为盛名所扰,不胜其烦。
那年武林中有一场盛会,但凡有点头脸的门派都受到邀请,让年轻弟子在武林同道面前亮个相混个眼熟。我们浮戏山自然也不例外,师父带上我那才十岁的大师姐,租一艘小船顺流而下,不紧不慢地往杭州漂。
据师姐说,一天傍晚她照例按师父吩咐在江心取水煮茶,忽然看到远处江面上漂来一个木盆,盆里有个娃娃。她想起师父的教导:“出门在外,遇到别人不要的小孩千万别捡,不是身上有血海深仇,就是有藏宝图,再不然就是以后要去做和尚往西天拜佛求亲,总之都是麻烦精。”她决定装作看不见我。
不幸在下我长着个好鼻子,嗅到船上飘来的饭菜香味,张嘴嗷嗷大哭,师父闻声出舱,抛出白练把我接上船,喂了我一小碗浮着金黄油花的鸡汤。喝完汤,我咂咂嘴:“不该放葱的,味道俗了,改用一味白芷更好。还有吗?再来一碗,要两个翅尖!”
师父没给我翅尖,本想拎着我后脖领子把我扔出去,但谢天谢地我浑身赤条条并没有领子,于是得以在小船上容身。
五天后船行至杭州,我也就跟着师父和师姐混进了霜刃会。
门口接待的账房先生手里捏一根判官笔,同我师父打招呼:“楚女侠别来无恙?您先前复函要带大弟子隋清娱来,我们已备好住处。这是?”他指着在江上漂流多日被晒得黝黑发亮像个昆仑奴的在下我。
师父正一脸温婉地微笑:“无恙,无恙。”
于是账房大笔一挥,在下我从此大名吴漾。一天之后,这个新鲜出炉热气腾腾的名字将响彻武林。
后来师父经常语重心长地教诲我师姐:“行走江湖,不可小看女人和小孩,我们自己就是女人,那么尤其不可小看小孩。”那时她还太年轻,不知道命运送来的所有徒弟,都已在暗中标好价格——有一些实在性价比超低。
第二天,武林盟主在擂台上演讲,说明霜刃会的目的——十年磨一剑,霜刃未曾试,各门各派的青年弟子正好趁此机会初露锋芒,望诸弟子为门派争光添彩。
我深觉他说得有道理,于是本着为本门争光的美好愿望,大声捧哏:“对,是骡子是马拉出来遛遛!”
沐浴在武林名宿、英雄豪杰、后起之秀们佩服且震惊的目光里,在下我骄傲地挺起胸膛,挥一挥衣袖,风流潇洒,意气洋洋。许多年后我看到账房先生关于那一天的记录:“浮戏山弟子吴漾,着拖地旧袍,面黑貌寝,语出粗鄙,甚为恶劣。”
我愤怒地撕碎这一页,冲进师姐房里印证她对那一天的记忆,逼问她我黑吗真的很黑吗。她侧躺在枕上,长发水一般蜿蜒到我腿边,伸手摸摸我下巴,说:“别听他瞎说,我们小漾白着呢!”
就是说嘛,我白着呢。
大伙儿纷纷说了一阵“来都来了”“大过节的”“她还是个孩子”“都不容易”之类的话,武林盟主清清嗓子,让他的大孙子上擂台邀第一战,“抛砖引玉”,他这么说。
这里插播一下,盟主姓方,不出意外的话他孙子也姓方,小少年长得也方头方脑满脸祖传的正气,我不禁感慨:“好一块方砖!这就是人说的方脑壳吗?”
方砖少年把脸涨成一块红砖又变成青砖,左右看看,哭着扑进他娘怀里,再也不肯露出脸。
“砖盟主,”我满心疑惑,他是被我夸得不好意思了吗?我张嘴:“他这个样子,好像——”
师姐捂住我的嘴,此后多年里,师父每次夸师姐孝悌友爱,都要拿此事举例:“要不是清娱当机立断,我就该给你立个碑,上面写爱徒吴漾,卒年四岁。”
“原来那么早我就成了您的爱徒。”
“那倒也没有,我就那么一说,以示礼貌。”
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